What Is Altruism? Why Practice Altruism?

Greater Good

The Science of a Meaningful Life

Altruism

What Is Altruism?

Altruism is when we act to promote someone else’s welfare, even at a risk or cost to ourselves. Though some believe that humans are fundamentally self-interested, recent research suggests Greater Goodotherwise: Studies have found that people’s first impulse is to cooperate rather than compete; that toddlers spontaneously help people in need out of a genuine concern for their welfare; and that even non-human primates display altruism.

Evolutionary scientists speculate that altruism has such deep roots in human nature because helping and cooperation promote the survival of our species. Indeed, Darwin himself argued that altruism, which he called “sympathy” or “benevolence,” is “an essential part of the social instincts.” Darwin’s claim is supported by recent neuroscience studies, which have shown that when people behave altruistically, their brains activate in regions that signal pleasure and reward, similar to when they eat chocolate (or have sex).

This does not mean that humans are more altruistic than selfish; instead, evidence suggests we have deeply ingrained tendencies to act in either direction. Our challenge lies in finding ways to evoke the better angels of our nature.
For More: Why do some people risk their lives to help others? Read about Kristen Renwick Monroe’s research to understand heroic altruists.

Why Practice Altruism?

Nice guys finish last? Hardly. More and more, research suggests that practicing altruism enhances our personal well-being—emotionally, physically, romantically, and perhaps even financially. It’s also crucial to stable and healthy communities, and to the well-being of our species as a whole. Still need to be convinced to be kind? Read on.

• Altruism makes us happy: Researchers have consistently found that people report a significant happiness boost after doing kind deeds for others. Some studies suggest giving to others makes people feel happier than spending money on themselves; this has even been found among kids. These good feelings are reflected in our biology: Giving to charity activates brain regions associated with pleasure, social connection, and trust. Scientists also believe that altruism may trigger the release of endorphins in the brain, giving us a “helper’s high.”
• Altruism is good for our health: People who volunteer tend to experience fewer aches and pains, better overall physical health, and less depression; older people who volunteer or regularly help friends or relatives have a significantly lower chance of dying. Researcher Stephen Post reports that altruism even improves the health of people with chronic illnesses such as HIV and multiple sclerosis.
• Altruism is good for our bottom line: Studies suggest that altruists may reap unexpected financial benefits from their kindness because others will feel compelled to reward their kindness; other research has found that donating money to charity might make corporations more valuable. Across the animal kingdom, animals that cooperate with each other are more productive and survive longer.
• Altruism is good for our love lives: When researcher David Buss surveyed more than 10,000 people across 37 cultures, he found that kindness was their most important criterion for a mate and the single universal requirement for a mate across all cultures.
• Altruism fights addiction: Studies have shown that addicts who help others, even in small ways, can significantly improve their chances of staying sober and avoiding relapse; this is true among adults and adolescents alike.
• Altruism promotes social connections: When we give to others, they feel closer to us, and we also feel closer to them. “Being kind and generous leads you to perceive others more positively and more charitably,” writes positive psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky in her book The How of Happiness, and this “fosters a heightened sense of interdependence and cooperation in your social community.”
• Altruism is good for education: High-quality service learning programs, where students complement their classroom learning with real-world community service, improve academic performance and make students feel more connected to their school. And when students engage in “cooperative learning,” where they must work together to complete a project, they are more likely to have positive relationships, better psychological health, and are less likely to bully.
• Altruism is contagious: When we give, we don’t only help the immediate recipient of our gift. We also spur a ripple effect of generosity through our community. Research by James Fowler and Nicholas Christakis has shown that altruism can spread by three degrees—from person to person to person to person. “As a result,” they write, “each person in a network can influence dozens or even hundreds of people, some of whom he or she does not know and has not met.”

For more: Read our article on “Five Ways Giving Is Good for You” and Christine Carter’s explanation of “What We Get When We Give.”

How to Cultivate Altruism?

Studies show that kids behave altruistically even before they’ve learned to talk. But too often, we don’t act on our propensities for kindness as we get older. Here are ways research suggests we can nurture our own altruistic instincts—and help motivate altruism in others.

• Get connected: Feeling connected to other people—even by just reading words like “community” and “relationship”—makes us more altruistic. Reminders of connection can be very subtle: In one study, when toddlers simply saw two dolls facing each other in the background of a photo, they were three times more likely to be helpful than when they saw the dolls in other poses.
• Get personal: We’re more altruistic when we see people as individuals, not abstract statistics. So if you want to encourage aid to people in need, give their problem a human face. By the same token, people respond more altruistically when they feel personally responsible for a problem: Bystanders to a crisis are much more likely to respond if singled out individually—“Hey, you in the striped shirt, can you help me?”—than if they hear a general appeal for help.
• See yourself in others: In general, people are much more likely to help members of their own group—but research has shown that who we think belongs to our “in-group” can be very malleable. Finding a thread of similarity with someone else—even something as simple as liking the same sport or sports team—can motivate altruistic action toward that person, in some cases overcoming group rivalries in the midst of war.
• Give thanks: Grateful people are more generous, perhaps because they’re paying forward the gifts they appreciate receiving from others. Receiving gratitude can also encourage altruism—for instance, when a server writes “thank you” on a restaurant bill his or her tip goes up by as much as 11 percent.
• Lead by example: People who consistently display altruism encourage others to follow suit. Simply reading about extraordinary acts of kindness makes people more generous, perhaps because they experience the warm, uplifting feeling psychologists call “elevation,” which we get when we see unexpected acts of goodness. This is an especially important tip if you’re caring for kids: Research suggests altruistic children have parents or other caregivers who deliberately model helpful behavior or stress altruistic values.
• Put people in a good mood: Feeling happy makes people more generous. And because being generous seems to make people happy, researcher Lara Aknin sees a “positive feedback loop” to altruism that might benefit charitable organizations: “Reminding donors of earlier donations could make them happy, and experiencing happiness might lead to making a generous gift.”
• Encourage collaboration and emphasize shared goals: When kids have to work together on a task, they’re much more likely to share the fruits of their efforts evenly. When students participate in “cooperative learning” exercises in small groups, they’re more likely to show kindness toward their classmates in general.
• Acknowledge giving—but not with rewards: People are more likely to be altruistic when others will know of their good deeds, perhaps because they assume their kindness will be reciprocated down the line. But too much acknowledgment can backfire: Young kids who receive material rewards for kindness become less likely to help in the future.
• Get time on your side: In seminal studies by Daniel Batson and John Darley, when people saw someone slumped on a sidewalk, their decision to help depended on a single factor: whether they were late to an appointment They were altruistic only when they felt like they had the time to be—which offers important lessons for our increasingly busy culture: slow down, don’t overschedule, and make time to be mindfully aware of your surroundings.
• Help build a supportive community: One study found that neighborhoods with more support structures for kids, like extracurricular activities and religious institutions, had teens who were more altruistic. The amount of wealth in their neighborhood wasn’t a factor. This suggests volunteering doesn’t just make you feel good—it also helps build a more altruistic community.
• Fight inequality: Studies suggest that when people feel an inflated sense of status, they become less generous. Perhaps that’s why wealthier people in the United States give a lower percentage of their income to charity, especially when they live in neighborhoods with a high proportion of other wealthy people. But when high-status people are made to feel a compassionate connection to others, or feel their status dip, they become more generous.

For more: Read our “Seven Tips for Fostering Generosity,” Stephen Post’s “Six Ways to Boost Your Habits of Helping,” and Christine Carter’s “Five Ways to Raise Kind Children.”

How Altruistic Are You?

Find out by taking some of these research-tested scales and quizzes.

• The Greater Good Altruism Quiz, based on the “Helping Attitude Scale” developed by psychologist Gary S. Nickell.
• The Self-Report Altruism Scale, developed by psychologist J. Philippe Rushton and colleagues.
• Other scientific scales measuring attitudes toward helping others and volunteering.
• Other scientific scales measuring “pro-social” orientation and altruism.

21 Charts That Explain American Values Today

The Atlantic

21 Charts That Explain American Values Today

Bob Cohn Jun 27 2012, 11:04 AM ET

Americans say they are more tolerant and open-minded than their parents. Among the issues that rate more morally acceptable today than a decade ago: homosexuality, human cloning, pre-marital sex, and having a child out of wedlock.  At the same time, half believe the economic system is unfair to middle- and working-class Americans, and only 17 percent believe Wall Street executives share fundamental American values. In all, two-thirds think the country is heading in the wrong direction, 69 percent believe the country's values have deteriorated since the 1970s, and nearly half say values will further weaken over the next 10 years.

Such are the highlights of The Atlantic/Aspen Institute American Values Survey. Elsewhere on the site, pollster Mark Penn provides a full analysis of the survey, which was conducted by his firm, Penn Schoen Berland. Below, a brief summary in charts:

Two-thirds of those surveyed say the country is heading in the wrong direction ...

 












  ... 7 in 10 say people's values have been getting worse in America ...

 

   






... and nearly half expect American values to weaken over the next decade.
 

Americans are split over whether their values are stronger or weaker than the rest of the world's ...

 


... while freedom of speech and freedom of religion are cited as the top examples of America's superior values compared to other places in the world.

The influence of religion on American life is decreasing.

11 percent of Americans don't believe in God ...

... half seldom or never attend church ...

... but religion is still important to half of all Americans.

Most Americans say they are more open and tolerant than their parents.

Two-thirds of Americans think the U.S. economy is on the wrong track ...

... and half think the economic system is unfair to middle- and working-class people.

6 in 10 Americans believe budget deficits undermine American values ...

... and more than half would raise taxes on the wealthy and businesses.

Only 17 percent think Wall Street executives share America's fundamental values ...

... and of those who say Wall Street values are different, 9 in 10 say they are worse.

7 in 10 believe elected officials reflect mainly the values of the wealthy ...

... and Americans are broadly united in their belief that money and lobbyists have too much influence in politics.

More than half do not expect their personal information to be private when they use social media ...

... though Americans are more worried about government knowing their personal lives than about about private companies.

Finally, more than three-quarters of Americans believe people are typically motivated by self-interest -- and just 20 percent believe them to be generally altruistic.

Where Are Your F@#%ing Values?

February 25 2013

Where Are Your F@#%ing Values?

If you would take a moment and imagine me screaming the title of this post while jumping up and down on Oprah’s couch like Tom Cruise before his fourth divorce, please do so now.

This post is about values. And how seemingly nobody has them. And how that ruins everything. But before we get into that, let’s go back to Tom Cruise for a second.

Where are your F@#%ing Values?!?!

One of my favorite movie openings is the beginning of Jerry Maguire. Tom Cruise plays the eponymous main character: a top sports agent who is beginning to question the ethics of his job. In the opening credits, we see Jerry question whether he is really representing the players’ interests or whether he’s just trying to get the biggest paycheck possible.

One night Jerry can’t sleep. His conscience won’t let him. So Jerry gets up and begins writing a mission statement. It’s about how to represent athletes in an ethical way. As he writes, he begins to “rediscover the simple pleasures of the job,” and remember why he took it in the first place. He writes about how agents should be obligated to their clients regardless of their physical condition, how they should put the players’ health and happiness before money. What begins as one page turns into 25 and soon, the sun comes up.

The next morning, Jerry hands out copies of his new mission statement to everyone at his firm. He’s revitalized and for the first time in years, excited for the future. He believes they can set a new standard of how athletes are treated and dominate the industry by offering more ethical, holistic representation.

And he’s immediately fired.

Modern capitalist society sometimes doesn’t reward having strong personal values. In fact, it sometimes punishes you. Everyone gripes about politicians and their lack of values. But an inherent flaw of democracy is that it rewards those who parrot what people want to hear rather than those who stand up for their core values (see: Mitt Romney, John Kerry). What we get are presidents who talk about peace and go to war, and senators who talk about family values but hire male prostitutes or get caught jerking off in an airport bathroom.

Society rewards the valueless with superficial benefits. But developing strong core values are the foundation of lifelong happiness and fulfillment. They’re the prerequisite for any semblance of a healthy relationship, romantic or otherwise. They’re the compass that always points toward your life purpose.

In short, they’re awesome, and you should know what yours are.

Values are the ideals and standards that you live by, regardless of external pressures or incentives.

Your values are what you’re unwilling to give up despite what other people say or do. Values are the ideals and beliefs you’re willing to fight for, or sometimes even die for.

People who suffer from weak boundaries tend to lack strong core values. Men who exhibit Nice Guy Syndrome lack sturdy personal values. When one lacks values, one is liable to get run over by other people. When one lacks values, they’re likely to base their feelings of success and worthiness based on how well they meet the needs of others and not the needs of themselves. This is codependent or needy behavior. It repels people. And it invites all sorts of problems into your life.

How to Screw Yourself Over in One Easy Step

Recently I received an email from a friend. Before I read a word, I knew what I was in for: drama. The lack of punctuation, the horrible formatting, the smattering of four-letter words in all caps bulging out of the wall of text like zits on a teenager’s face. Rows of exclamation points and question marks running all over, screaming and screaming into the internet void.
“This is going to be a mess,” I thought.

And it was. The woman he had been dating didn’t want to see him anymore. In fact, she had gone back to her ex-boyfriend, a guy who was (apparently) a horrible, evil, child-murdering, small-dicked, rapist who drank the blood of puppies and masturbated to episodes of Gilmore Girls — basically a terrible, terrible human being.

I barely get halfway through the email before giving up. I’m unable to summon sympathy for these types of situations. In fact, all that comes up these days is anger. I want to reach through the computer screen, through the email, through the frenzied exclamation marks and question marks, and shake him. Shake him like you’re not supposed to shake a baby. Shake him hard and then scream, “Where are your fucking values!?!?” with a string of exclamations and question marks of my own.

I never like to proclaim ‘cure all’ solutions for people, and I sure as hell hate it when other people do. But this may be the closest thing I ever post to a cure all. It’s like a magical bandage that fixes all wounds: having personal values and sticking to them.

For example…

In the thousands of dating advice questions I’ve gotten through the years, probably a solid 1/3 have been some variant of the following:

“I met this girl. She was great. We dance/kissed/talked all night. She was way into me. I texted her to ask her out. She said sure. I texted her again to plan the date and never heard from her again. What do I do? How do I get her to respond?”

Ladies, this goes for you too. I’ve had plenty of female friends in this situation over the years as well: meet handsome guy, have a great time, never hear from handsome guy ever again. What should she do?

For a long time, my answer was this: Nothing. Do nothing. Forget about them and meet someone else.

Staring at the phone isn’t going to make her call you.

As you can imagine, people really didn’t like hearing this. In their minds, there had to be some way to “get” her/him to respond to them. There was some secret or trick that they were missing. Or there had to be a mistake. Maybe they lost their phone, or they saved their name incorrectly, or they’re mixing them up with the other Dave they know and hate. Maybe if I text them a few more times they’ll remember.

In almost every single case, this is insecure delusion. When you do this you are protecting your ego because the truth hurts. It hurts to know that you liked someone more than they liked you. I get it. It’s happened to me tons of times too. And it’s not fun to admit.

In Models, I point out that honesty begins with yourself. And you must be honest to yourself in these situations: they don’t like you enough.

But recently, I’ve skipped even bothering with this advice. I skip explanation and go straight to indignation:

Why would you ever put effort into seeing someone who has demonstrated they don’t want to see you? Why on earth would you ever make time for someone who is unwilling to make time for you? Why should you make time in your schedule for them if they won’t make time in their schedule for you?
Where is your self-respect?

If you sold guitars and someone said, “I don’t want to buy a guitar,” would you follow them around and keep trying to sell it to them? No! You’d be a dick. And probably out of business too.

I have a simple value in my life: I won’t make time for people who won’t make time for me.

It’s as simple as that. And no, ‘flakes’ like this don’t bother me anymore. And, in fact, I get far fewer of them, because I make this value clear when I meet someone new. I don’t tolerate it, so they don’t do it to begin with.
Here’s another example. This time from business:

Many of the people who get into internet marketing and online business begin to make money and find that, to their chagrin, they’ve merely created another grind for themselves. Instead of chained to a cubicle, they’re chained to a laptop and third-world countries because they can’t afford to live anywhere else.

They have to wake up, work hours upon hours on a project that they don’t care about, merely to sustain their lifestyle of drinking cheap beer on beaches with anonymous backpackers and travelers who they’ll never see again.

Awesome life for a year. Shitty career path.





They suffer and stagnate because they haven’t built the business on their personal values. They built it on expediency and getting themselves enough income to leave as soon as possible. They don’t believe in what they do. Therefore once they hit a plateau or get burnt out, they lose interest or feel stuck.

Many of these entrepreneurs sell their businesses off within a few years and go get a desk job. Others perpetually start new ventures, and even though they may make good money here and there, they’re never totally satisfied and they never feel any job security.

Define Your Values

The values that remedy the situations above are: I don’t make time for people who don’t make time for me. And I invest my time and work on projects that I believe benefit myself and others.

When you decide those things for yourself, not only is it easy to navigate those situations, but you’re far less likely to end up in them in the first place.
For instance, if you value contribution in your business from the get-go, you never find yourself in a position of aimless burnout, because you’re doing something you believe in and that you believe helps the world. If you value people showing respect for your time from the beginning, then you don’t even bother getting phone numbers of women who aren’t that excited to talk to you or who seem unreliable.

But maybe you’re saying, “Gee whiz Mark, that sure sounds swell for you, because you can come up with business ideas while you crap and hundreds of girls are clawing their well-manicured fingernails out to get a date with you, but what about me? I don’t have opportunities like that.”

I know. I know. It’s true.

But, this is another complaint that I’ve lost sympathy for. There will always be more opportunities. Always. There are 7 billion people on this planet, and society is changing faster than ever before. There are more opportunities than people can take advantage of.

If one billion people can maintain their faith that some guy was born from a virgin and will one day come back to life to save them, then you can have faith that you will get another opportunity to go on a date on a Friday night. Stop hating on yourself and open your eyes.

People who do not define their values concretely end up drifting around in life, pulled in the direction of any external validation they get their hands on.
They get a nice job out of college because that’s what their parents always pressured them to do. They commit to a girl because she’s the prettiest one who makes herself available. They start a business project so they can get enough money to match their friends’ purchases. They deal with manipulative and disrespectful behavior from their partner because they’re afraid of being single again.

This is why I think everybody, at some point, should sit down and hammer out some of these values for themselves. I’ve been having most of my consultation clients do this lately and it’s been helping them a lot.

Make them concrete. Then stick to them. It will make your decision-making so much easier, and it will remove so much ambiguity from your life. You’ll also develop more self-esteem and feel like less of an asshole all the time.

1. Relationship Values

Take five minutes and write down the values that define your relationships. These are things you are unwilling of compromising on, no matter how attractive the other person is, no matter how much sex you have with them, these are ideals that are more important to you than any outward experience.
Some examples:

I do not make time for people who do not make time for me.
I do not tolerate being disrespected and will stand up for myself.
I will not spend time with people who I do not enjoy being around.

Etc.

Just keeping the three values above will end any worry you have about people flaking on you. It will end any worry you have about people testing you. . And you will no longer make yourself miserable spending time with someone just because they like you.

2. Professional Values

Take five minutes to write down the values that define your career and how you make money.

Some examples:

I believe in earning money by providing tangible benefits to society, to the best of my knowledge.

I will not tolerate disrespectful business relationships or unethical deals for the sole purpose of more money.

I will not spam people or convince them to buy something that I do not believe is in their best interest.

Etc.

3. Personal Values

And of course, do not forget to take care of yourself. This is possibly the most important set of values. As your ability to set expectations and interact with others begins with how you set expectations and interact with yourself.
Some examples:

I will take care of my personal health and hygiene.

I will not get overly angry or critical of myself — I will meet my own flaws with compassion.

Etc.

Making Your Own Bed

As I said, I didn’t finish my friend’s entire email. For one, it was such a garbled mess that reading was a strain on the eyes. But I stopped reading primarily because I have developed a low tolerance for the kind of thinking it exhibited.
On the podcast with T last week, he made the point that toxic relationships don’t just occur because you engage the negative or manipulative behavior, but toxic relationships can also happen simply by tolerating the manipulative and negative behavior.

As I shot off a quick tough love email to my friend it was clear he got to this position by tolerating such behavior.

When he started dating the woman, he knew she was still involved with her ex. Yet he didn’t do anything. He framed his relationship with her as something casual and on-the-side so he could continue pursuing other women. He regularly blew her off and ignored her in favor of opportunities to meet other people. When she was dramatic and falsely claimed her ex-boyfriend had raped her to get him to become jealous, he engaged and validated her manipulative behavior.

So, no, no sympathy. None. He made his bed. He was lying in it. Not only did his lack of clear values fail to define his relationship with her — allowing him to become far more emotionally attached than he realized — but his tolerance of her manipulative behavior also led to him being hurt by her.

And my quick reply? Sorry, not tolerating it. This situation was entirely of your making. Take responsibility. You’re responsible for handling your own emotions. Not me or anybody else.

That is one of my values. Sympathize? Sure. It sucks to see a friend upset. Advice? Of course.

But I will not validate his self-inflicted pain. I will not be dragged into his drama. He’s my friend, but those boundaries between him and me are non-negotiable.

And the fact that I set them and he doesn’t is exactly why he ends up in these situations, and I don’t.

Cops Shoot Family Dog Just Because

News & Politics  

Courthouse News / By Jack Bouboushian

                         

Cops Shoot Family Dog Just Because

Police officers in a Chicago suburb sat in front of a home for 20 minutes, then without any provocation shot the family dog.

 

 

 

June 28, 2013  |  

 

 

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Police officers in a Chicago suburb sat in front of a home for 20 minutes, then without any provocation shot the family dog, who had been calmly sitting on the front porch, the dog's owner claims in court.

 

Randy Green sued the Village of South Holland, police Officer Chad Barden and other unknown officers, in Federal Court.

 

South Holland, pop. 21,000, is a southern suburb of Chicago.

 

"On Sunday, July 22, 2012, two South Holland Police Officers arrived in separate vehicles at the home of Randy Green between 9-10 am, to investigate a purported dog off-leash (at large)," the complaint states.

 

"Upon information and belief, a caller had identified the dog at large as 'a big old gray dog runnin' around.' The caller made no mention of the dog being dangerous, vicious, or aggressive. ...

 

"The two South Holland officers arrived while plaintiff Randy Green and his family were asleep inside of their home, and where Mr. Green's Cane Corso dog, Grady, was sitting on the front porch.

"Upon information and belief, the chain holding Grady in the Green family backyard had popped, allowing Grady to be off leash on and around Mr. Green's residence.

 

"Both South Holland officers were equipped with dog-catching poles in the trunks of their vehicles, but neither attempted to use the dog-catching poles to capture the purported dog at large.

 

"South Holland officer Chad Barden stood, with his gun drawn, near the Green family home while the dog Grady sat on the front porch.

 

"The accompanying South Holland officer stood, leaning against his own police vehicle,

approximately 100 feet away from Officer Chad Barden.

 

"The dog Grady walked past both officers on more than one occasion without incident, thereafter lazily returning to the front porch of the Green residence.

 

"At no time did the dog Grady make physical contact with either officer.

 

"The South Holland police officers stood outside the Green family home for approximately twenty minutes.

 

"At this time, the dog Grady approached Officer Barden again as he was standing nearest the Green family home.

 

"Shortly thereafter, Officer Barden shot the dog Grady three times for no reason."

 

Grady, wounded, ran into the back yard and Green "rushed outside" to help him and take him to a vet.

Citing an "Expert Report," Green claims that "video surveillance footage from the Green family residence revealed the absence of any charging, lunging or showing of teeth by the dog Grady and instead showed the dog Grady seeking 'greater distance between the officer and himself,' displaying 'calming [body] signals' by 'looking away from the officers and showing his [Grady's] flank,' and moving in a 'trot.'" (Brackets in complaint.)

 

The family immediately "took Grady to an emergency veterinary facility where Grady was treated," the complaint states.

 

Meanwhile, "South Holland police officers walked onto the residential property of Randy Green, including his backyard and other private areas near his home," Green claims.

 

A month later, South Holland police delivered a letter accusing Green of having a dangerous dog.

Green seeks damages for unreasonable seizure, trespass, intentional infliction of emotional distress, violation of the Illinois Humane Care for Animals Act, and malicious prosecution.

 

He is represented by Anna Morrison-Ricordati.